Excuses to get out of work, rated by risk

The plumber found a leak behind the wall and has to open it up today.

Once a plumber says behind the wall, nobody expects you anywhere.

The landlord is replacing the windows, and someone has to be home while they're out of the frames.

Nobody suggests leaving an apartment with no windows on its own.

My carbon monoxide alarm went off, and the fire service told me to stay out until the boiler is checked.

Nobody pushes back on a fire service instruction.

My house alarm went off overnight, and the police want me there when they check the back door.

The word police ends the call quickly.

Part of my kitchen ceiling came down overnight, and I'm waiting for the insurance assessor.

Send the photo before anyone asks. It looks fake, and the photo settles it.

The apartment below me has water through their ceiling, and it's coming from my bathroom.

Nobody wants to be the cause of a flood two floors down, least of all you.

My car was broken into overnight, and I'm waiting for the glass repair van.

Glass vans give a window, and the window is the day.

My car won't start, and roadside assistance says three hours.

Everyone's car has died on a cold morning, so nobody needs the details.

The trains are on strike today, and there's no bus that gets me in before noon.

Strikes are in the news, so nobody can argue.

We had a foot of snow overnight, and my street hasn't been plowed.

Nobody wants you driving in it, and they can see the forecast.

The roads are a sheet of ice, and the county has told everyone to stay home.

When the county says stay home, your boss rarely says otherwise.

My car was rear-ended at a red light on the way in, and I'm waiting for the police report.

Nobody questions a fender bender, and they'll ask if you're OK first.

A water main burst under the road outside, and the street is a river.

Burst mains make the local news, so there's a link to send.

There's a police cordon on my street, and nobody is allowed out.

Local news will carry it, so a link does the explaining.

My street is a film set today, and residents can't drive out until the crew wraps.

Film permits are public, and the neighbors will post photos.

The school called a snow day at 6:10 this morning, and I have two kids at home.

Check the forecast first. It only holds up if it snowed.

Daycare closed for a lice check, and my son can't go back until he's cleared.

Nobody asks for details about lice.

My mom has a minor procedure this morning, and they won't let her leave without a driver.

You're only the driver, so there's nothing medical to ask about.

My daughter threw up at breakfast, and daycare won't take her back until tomorrow.

Parents on your team have lived this exact morning.

Our nanny called in sick, and there's nobody else to watch the baby.

Childcare falling through is the excuse every parent believes.

My son's school had a burst pipe and sent everyone home.

Schools post closures, so the details check out.

My daughter has hand, foot and mouth, and daycare won't take her for a week.

Mention it once and every parent on the team stops asking.

My kid fell at school and needs stitches, and I'm on the way to urgent care.

Nobody has ever said finish the report first.

My elderly neighbor fell, and I'm waiting with her for the ambulance.

Nobody questions it, and they'll ask how she is.

My kid's bus never came, and the drive to school and back is 80 minutes.

Bus no-shows happen, and the drive back eats the morning.

My son has a hospital appointment that took four months to get.

Nobody asks you to give up a slot like that.

The elevators in my mother's building are out, and she's on the 14th floor with no groceries.

Nobody asks you to leave someone on the 14th floor with an empty fridge.

I'm on jury duty this week and find out each evening whether they need me the next day.

Nobody argues with a court. They may ask to see the summons.

My passport appointment is at 10:40 today, and the next free one is seven weeks away.

Everyone has fought a government booking site and lost.

I'm behind on the compliance training, and it locks my account if I don't finish today.

Nobody has ever asked a follow-up question about compliance training.

I have my citizenship ceremony this morning, and it can't be moved.

They'll congratulate you, and someone will bring a cake.

My visa interview at the consulate is today at 9:15.

Nobody asks you to move a consulate appointment.

I have to be at the courthouse for my tenancy hearing at 9.

Anything at a courthouse comes with no follow-up questions.

My new passport has to be collected in person, and the office opens weekdays from 10 to 2.

Government opening hours explain themselves.

The hurricane warning starts at noon, and I'm boarding up the windows.

Nobody asks you to choose between a spreadsheet and your windows.

There's a tornado warning for my county until 2.

No manager wants to be the one who said come in anyway.

I've got a client call that overlaps the 3 pm, and the client picked the time.

Clients outrank internal meetings, every time.

The dentist moved my appointment into the 3 pm slot.

Teeth come first, and nobody wants details.

I'm covering the help desk while Sam's out, and someone has to answer the phone.

Somebody has to, and it suits nobody else.

I'm at the doctor's for a follow-up, and they're running late.

Doctor's offices run late everywhere, so the slot stretches.

The office network is down, and IT says remote access is off too.

IT outages come with an email you can forward.

I broke my glasses last night and can't drive until the new pair is ready.

Nobody asks you to drive half blind.

We have a family event that evening, booked before the party date was set.

First booked wins, and family events are booked a year out.

I'll come in tomorrow instead, because the desk booking system shows no free desks today.

Screenshot the empty map. Facilities can't argue with its own system.

My first day back moves to Wednesday, because daycare's settling-in days run until Tuesday.

Settling-in days are fixed, and every parent knows it.

I've swapped today's shift with Jordan, and the swap is already on the schedule.

A swap that's already done is barely an excuse. It's admin.

My kid's daycare has closed for the day because of a gas leak.

Leaks close buildings, and every parent believes a closure.

My partner's job called them in, and I have the kids with no backup.

One parent's emergency becomes the other's, and parents on the team know it.

The road to my house is closed by a fallen power line.

Power companies post closures, and nobody wants you near a live line.

The smoke alarm won't stop chirping, and the handyman is coming to replace the whole unit.

They'll ask why a battery takes a day. It's never the battery.

The washing machine flooded the kitchen, and I'm moving everything off the floor before it reaches the hall.

They'll want to know how much water. Say ankle-deep and stop there.

A window cracked in last night's storm, and the glazier can't board it up until noon.

They'll ask if you can come in after noon. Have an answer ready.

Water is coming through the light fitting in my bathroom, and the building manager wants me there when he opens the ceiling.

Everybody wants the photo of the light fitting.

The building's fire alarm went off at 6, and we still haven't been let back in.

Expect someone to suggest working from the sidewalk.

The heating is out, it's freezing in the apartment, and the repair visit is today.

They'll tell you to put on a coat and log on.

A furniture delivery is due today between 7 and 7, and it needs a signature.

They'll ask why you didn't pick a narrower slot. There wasn't one.

Mice got into the kitchen, and the exterminator needs the cupboards cleared before he starts.

Mention mice and the questions stop.

A tree surgeon is taking down the dead tree over my roof, and the city needs me there to sign.

They'll ask what the city has to do with it. Say "permits" and they'll stop asking.

Sewage is backing up into the basement, and the drain company is on the way.

No follow-up questions, ever.

The landlord is showing my apartment to new tenants all day, and I don't want strangers in there alone.

They'll ask if you're moving. You are now.

There's a bat in my bedroom, and animal control can't come until noon.

They'll ask what kind of bat. All of them are the kind you stay home for.

My cat brought a live bird in and let it go, and it's now somewhere in my closet.

Stories like this sound made up and usually aren't. A photo of the closet door helps.

The roofers started a day early and need the car moved off the drive while they work.

They'll ask why that takes all day. Say you're keeping an eye on the roofers.

My neighbor's snake got out of its tank, and the last place anyone saw it was my porch.

They'll laugh, then ask for updates every hour.

A water heater burst in the garage, and the garage is the only way out to the car.

They'll ask about the front door. Have an answer about the front door.

The cleaner is doing the end-of-tenancy clean, and the landlord wants me there to check it.

Deposits are serious money, and everyone has lost one.

The new key fob system has locked half the building out, mine included.

Fob systems fail all the time. Your coworkers have their own stories.

A neighbor's tree is leaning on the power line to my house, and the utility is on the way.

Nobody wants you near a power line, so nobody argues.

My car failed inspection, and the sticker runs out at midnight.

They'll ask why you didn't book it last month.

The tow truck is coming between 10 and 2, and it won't take the car unless I'm there.

They'll ask what you're doing after 2.

My flight back got canceled, and the next seat is tomorrow at 6 am.

They'll ask where you flew. Have an answer that isn't Las Vegas.

My street is being repaved, and my car is blocked in until 5.

Roadworks are on the city's website, so make sure it's your street.

The storm closed the only road out of my in-laws' town, and I'm on the wrong side of it.

They'll ask what you were doing at your in-laws' on a Tuesday.

I've got two flat tires, and the shop can't take the car until this afternoon.

Two flats sounds made up, so have a photo of both.

A delivery truck has blocked my car in, and the driver has gone off on his rounds.

Send a picture of the truck. Bosses believe trucks.

The bridge on my commute is closed after an accident, and the detour adds two hours.

They'll check the traffic map. Make sure it's your bridge.

The plows piled snow across both ends of my street, and the car can't get out.

It sounds invented. Photograph the wall of snow.

The check engine light came on, and the dealer says not to drive until they've looked.

They'll suggest a ride share. Mention the fare.

The ferry isn't running because of the wind, and the next crossing is tomorrow.

Wind speeds are public, so check it's windy.

My car got towed from outside my own building, and the impound lot opens at 10.

They'll ask what you did. Say it was a mistake and you're fighting it.

A truck carrying half a house has blocked the only road out.

Lead with the photo. Nobody believes a house in the road without one.

Cows from the farm next door are on the road, and the farmer is moving them one field at a time.

Rural bosses believe it at once. City bosses need the video.

My flight home was diverted, and I'm in the wrong city until tonight.

They'll ask which city. Know which city.

A kitten climbed into my car's engine, and I can't start it until she comes out.

Everyone wants the kitten photo, and then an update every hour.

I got a flat tire on my way to help a friend move.

A flat on the way to a favor sounds made up, so keep the photo.

My dog ate a sock, and the vet wants to watch him for the day.

They'll ask for a photo of the dog. Have one where he looks guilty.

My kid's class trip was one parent short, and I'm the parent.

They'll ask when you signed up, and why you're only saying so now.

It's my grandmother's 90th in Cleveland, and the only flight is at noon.

They'll ask why this is the first they've heard of a 90th birthday.

My mom's car broke down two hours away, and I'm the only one who can get her.

They'll ask about your siblings. Have a reason for each one.

My grandmother is moving into assisted living today, and I'm carrying the boxes.

Nobody argues with a grandmother's moving day.

The school is closed for a teacher training day I forgot about.

Honest, but the forgot part invites a comment.

The dog sitter canceled, and the dog can't be left alone after his surgery.

They'll ask what the surgery was. Have the vet's word for it.

My sister's flight lands at 11, and she has three kids and no car seat.

They'll ask why she didn't book a taxi with a car seat.

The sitter's car broke down on her way to me.

Childcare excuses hold up, and this one is a chain of two.

My pet snake has escaped, and I'm not leaving until I find it.

They'll ask if they should visit. They should not.

A friend's apartment was broken into, and I'm with her until the police arrive.

They'll ask about your friend's apartment for a week.

The bank froze my card, and I have to go in person with two forms of ID.

Expect "can't you go at lunch?"

I'm contesting a parking ticket, and my hearing is at 9:30.

They'll ask if a $40 ticket is worth a day of leave.

The tax office booked my appointment for today, and the next one is in March.

They'll ask what's wrong with your taxes. Say nothing, just paperwork.

I'm closing on the house today, and the signing starts at 10.

They'll ask why you didn't mention it. You did, in a meeting nobody remembers.

I'm a witness at my friend's wedding at city hall, and the slot is at 11.

City hall slots are short, so they'll expect you back by 1.

I'm voting before work, and the line at my polling place is already around the block.

They'll ask how long the line is. Send a photo of the line.

I'm giving a statement to the police about the break-in next door.

They'll want to hear about the break-in for a week.

The vet needs the cat in at 8 for a dental, and I have to stay nearby until she wakes up.

They'll ask what you're doing while she's under. Waiting, mostly.

I have an MRI at 10, and they say not to drive afterward.

The letters MRI are the whole message.

Identity thieves opened a card in my name, and the bank wants me on the phone during business hours.

Nobody questions it. They'll tell you their own story about it.

The wildfire smoke is so bad the city told everyone to stay indoors.

Air quality readings are public, so it holds up if it's true.

The heat wave knocked out power across my side of town.

Someone will suggest a coffee shop. So will everyone else in town.

Floodwater has closed the road at the end of my street.

Check the photos online first. Floods get photographed.

An alligator is under my car, and I'm waiting for the trapper.

Florida managers nod. Everyone else asks for a photo.

A swarm of bees has settled on my front door, and the beekeeper is on the way.

They'll ask for a photo, and the photo will be very good.

I'm covering the front desk until the temp gets here, so I'll miss the 2 o'clock.

They'll ask why the front desk can't be empty for an hour.

My laptop is installing updates, and IT says not to turn it off.

They'll suggest joining from your phone.

I'm double-booked with the training I was told is mandatory.

Mandatory beats optional. Check which one your manager booked.

My internet keeps dropping, so I'll catch up on the recording.

They'll check whether you were green on Teams at 3:15. You were.

I need the hour to prep tomorrow's client presentation, and I'm behind.

It's work, so it beats a meeting. They'll ask to see the deck.

I'm interviewing a candidate at that time.

They'll ask which role. Know which role.

I'll be on the train with no signal until 3:30.

They'll ask why you're on a train at 3.

My laptop won't boot, and IT can't see me until 2.

They'll offer a loaner. Loaners always work.

I'm locked out of my account after too many password tries, and the reset needs a call back.

They'll ask how many tries. Say four.

The VPN won't connect, and IT has a queue of forty tickets.

Forty tickets is believable. Fifty sounds made up.

A pigeon got me on the walk in, right on the head, so I'm going home to shower.

It sounds invented, and nobody asks for proof.

I put my contact lenses in the wrong eyes and can't see straight, so I'm not driving.

It's odd enough that nobody would make it up.

The power cut overnight reset my alarm, so I'm running two hours behind.

They'll forgive the morning and expect the afternoon.

I'm driving my mom to the airport the night of the holiday party.

It gets you out of the party, and nobody checks flight times in December.

I can't make the planning offsite on Thursday, because the internet installer can only come then.

They'll ask if you can dial in. Offsites always have a dial-in.

I can't do the office day this week, because my car is in the shop and no train reaches the office park.

Office parks rarely have a station. Check that yours doesn't.

I can't come in for the team day, because my badge stopped working and security can't reissue it until Friday.

They'll say someone can let you in. Someone always can.

I have to miss the budget review, because finance moved my expense audit into the same slot.

Finance against finance. Let them settle it.

I'll miss our kickoff, because I'm presenting at a client's kickoff the same morning.

A client's kickoff beats your own, and everyone knows it.

The office AC is broken and it's 34 degrees inside, so I'll work from home.

They'll say it's being fixed today. It is always being fixed today.

I need to move my mid-year review, because my self-assessment isn't finished.

They'll give you until Friday. You'll need until Friday.

I can't make my Saturday shift, because my car is in the shop until Monday.

They'll ask about the bus. Know the Saturday timetable.

The power went out overnight, and my only uniform is still wet in the dryer.

They'll say wear it damp. Some managers will mean it.

My dog was sick all night, and the vet's first slot is at 9.

They'll ask what's wrong with the dog. Have the vet's guess.

The bus company cut my route this week, and the replacement doesn't run before 9.

They'll look up the route. Make sure it was your route.

My son's school bus was in a fender bender, nobody's hurt, and I'm going to get him.

Nobody delays that, and they'll ask how he is.

The housing association is replacing my front door today, and someone has to be in all day.

They'll ask why a door takes all day. Doors do.

My kids' grandparents are stuck abroad after a canceled flight, so I've got the kids all week.

They'll ask about the week. You'll have to answer about the week.

The cable guy is coming to fix the TV, and I can't miss the window.

They'll point out a TV isn't an emergency. Mention it's also the internet.

My smoke detector went off while I was making toast, and now the whole building is outside.

They'll ask why you can't go back in once the toast is gone. Fair question.

My Wi-Fi router needs a factory reset, and the help line says it takes the whole morning.

They'll offer to send you a hotspot. Accept it and you're working.

I'm waiting in for a parcel.

They'll ask if a neighbor can take it. One always can.

The tow truck that came for my car got stuck, and now we're waiting for a second tow truck.

It's the most believable unbelievable story there is. Keep every photo.

I locked my keys in the car at the gas station with the engine running.

They'll ask how that takes a whole day. Have a story about the locksmith.

The marathon has closed every road out of my neighborhood until 2.

Marathons are mostly on Sundays. Check the date before you send it.

My car alarm won't turn off, and I'm sitting with it until the dealer opens.

They'll tell you to pull the battery. Someone always knows how.

I'm stuck in a hotel elevator on my trip, waiting for the engineer.

They'll ask why you can type but can't get out.

My sister went into labor three weeks early, and I have her toddler until my mom lands tonight.

They'll ask about the baby every day for a month.

My teenager got suspended, and I have to go in for a meeting with the principal.

They'll ask what he did, and you'll have to decide how much to say.

My cat is having kittens, and I want to be there.

They'll want photos all day, then they'll ask to adopt one.

My brother is moving across the country, and I promised to drive the van.

They'll ask how long you've known. Longer than a day, they'll guess.

I'm in a wedding tomorrow, and the bride needs me for the rehearsal all day.

They'll ask when you found out. Months ago, they'll guess.

I'm a witness in my neighbor's small claims case about a hedge, and the hearing is at 9.

They'll ask about the hedge. Know whose side you're on.

I'm giving blood at 11, and they tell you to take it easy for the rest of the day.

They'll point out that answering email isn't heavy lifting.

My driver's license runs out at midnight, and the renewal office only takes walk-ins.

They'll ask why you waited until today.

The census taker is coming back today, and I promised to be in.

Someone will point out that it can be done online. It can.

My parking permit renewal needs proof of address, and I've lost every utility bill.

They'll ask why that needs a day off. The search is the day.

There's a bear on my porch, and wildlife control says to stay inside until it leaves.

True ones happen, but in a city it reads as a test of your manager's patience.

There's a fox in my kitchen, and it won't leave.

Somebody will ask what you did to the fox.

My phone fell in the lake, and it holds every two-factor code I log in with.

They'll ask IT to send you a new code in ten minutes.

The vendor call clashes with the 2 o'clock, and it's the only slot they had this month.

They'll ask which vendor, and then they'll ask the vendor.

I have a hard stop at 2:55.

Nobody believes a hard stop at 2:55, so give a reason with it.

I'm in focus time.

Your manager will ask what you're focusing on.

I'm on another call.

They'll ask with whom, and your calendar shows nothing.

That meeting could have been an email, and I'll read the email.

True, and said once in a career.

My monitor died, and I can't work on the laptop screen alone.

They'll say plenty of people do. Plenty of people do.

My cat got into my work clothes drawer, and nothing clean is left.

They'll suggest jeans. You will have to explain about the jeans.

I dropped a jar of honey on the kitchen floor and I'm still stuck to it.

It sounds like a children's book. They'll laugh, then expect you at noon.

My phone updated overnight and turned off my alarm, so I slept through the morning.

True and common, and it still sounds like an excuse. Be in by 11.

I've been picked for a focus group, and it pays.

They'll ask what it's about. Say snacks.

I'm the emergency contact for my building, and the elevator is stuck with people in it.

Heroic, but they'll ask why the building picked you.

I'm not coming in because it's my birthday.

It's honest. Somebody will also remember it next year.

I have a hangover.

Almost nobody admits this one, and it guarantees a follow-up chat.

My horoscope said to stay home.

Nobody has ever accepted this one, though some have laughed.

I've been asked to judge a dog show.

They'll ask which breed won.

I'm saving my energy for the holidays.

Honest, and it will come up at your review.

I can't go to the conference, because my passport is at the embassy for a visa.

They'll ask why you need a visa for a conference in Ohio.

I can't make the reorg town hall, because I'm updating my resume.

Never say this one. Think it during the town hall.

I'm calling out because I'm moving tomorrow and nothing is packed.

They'll ask why you didn't book the day off. Nobody plans the packing.

I'm calling out because I've got an interview for a better job today.

Never send this one. Use a dentist.

My roommate locked the door with my keys inside and left for the airport.

They'll ask why you don't have a spare. Everyone asks about the spare.